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Dear Fatherless Daughter

denna babul
Dear Fatherless Daughter,

I have been thinking a lot about you with Father’s Day coming around the corner. I can imagine the pain evoked out of nowhere when you are sitting on the sofa watching your favorite show, and a little girl appears on the screen carrying a handmade card to a father who is opening up his arms to her. I know this vision can still bring you to your knees. You miss the man he was or wish he could have been. Father’s Day can be not just a reminder, but a blatant white flag of what you have had to endure and give up along the way. You did not ask for this. It was not what you have chosen, yet still, you have had to pick up the pieces.

What I know for sure is his loss will break you. There will be parts of you; you may never get to know. There will be things taken from you before you even had a chance to see the hole they will cause in your heart. You will go through life initially, not knowing their impact. You will experience anger and sadness that even you can’t completely understand. The pain will continue to mount until one day you fall so deep into that hole that all you see is darkness. I know because I have been there.

Then, because you are a fighter and have had to fight for so long, you will decide you want to come out of that hole. You will dig and scratch without asking for help because you are used to going it alone. Perhaps because you have had to do it that way for as long as you remember or as a result of the pain, you don’t trust the hands that are reaching out to you. Never the less you will start to want to get better.

At some point, maybe after staying in the hole too long, or falling back in too many times, you will finally allow someone to help you. You will learn that there are people out there that love you. You will start to look beyond the ghost of that father figure and begin to see the love that has been surrounding you along the way in the forms of stand-in fathers, friends, loved ones, and maybe even co-workers.

You will begin to grow from the pain and accept the love around you. You will allow others to help, and with that, you will turn your pain into power. You will start to let go of some of the sadness and replace it with the light that others are offering you, but only when you are genuinely ready to see it.

You are a powerful woman. You will learn this at a perfect divine time in your life because every journey is different. You will not only survive, but you will also thrive my sister. You were meant to let go of the pain you carry.

You are here for a bigger purpose.

One day you will experience the freedom from the sadness. No matter where you are on your fatherless journey, always remember, you are loved.
You have a sisterhood.
We support you.
We honor where you are and encourage you to keep going.
It does get better.
You will find the love you deserve.
Your life will be full of happiness and fulfillment.
Just believe in the possibilities.
You, my friend, are endless.

xoxo,
Denna

Denna’s Book of the Month

Denna’s Book of the Month

I stumbled upon this book after watching Steve Job’s comencement speech at Standford. I was looking for inspiration for a leadership course and ended up coming across his daughter, Lisa Brennan-Jobs debut memoir. Coincidenally, it was Lisa, not her father who ended up inspiring me the most. I never tire of hearing stores of women who have turned their pain into power into purpose. This is a revealing read behind the doors of her infamous father’s rise to fame and their difficult father-daughter relationship along the way. Anyone who has hoped for a better realtionship with a parent will relate to her story.

Even the Royals Have Family Drama

Even Royals Have Family Drama

Photo courtesy of TMZ

Wedding Season is upon us…and even the royals have drama!

If you are like me, you feel sorry for Meghan Markle. She and her father have been somewhat estranged for last 12 years per the reports.

She, like all fatherless daughters, probably wants the fairytale. I am sure she wanted her father to walk her down the aisle. It is unfortunate that under the current circumstances he will not be able to do so.

My advice to her and any fatherless daughter during wedding season is to not let the actions of others take away from your special day.

If you are getting married this season and are fatherless here are a few pointers:

-Allow your day to be surrounded by love. Don’t invite or feel like you have to invite anyone who may make you feel less than loved. You deserve one day to be just about you.

-Let everyone know who or what is off limits to be discussed around you during your special day. You should focus just on that amazing fiancé of yours.

-Choose a gutsy friend to be your gatekeeper. If that Uncle who likes to drink too much starts to get out of hand, give your friend instructions on how to excuse him from the festivities.

-Take some time to talk to your fiancé and his family about any concerns you may have about your family. Getting it all out in the open will free your mind and let you enjoy the day.

-In today’s world it is acceptable to walk yourself down the aisle, have a friend, or even have your mother do the honors. Don’t fret. We make our own rules.

-If your father is deceased, decide how and if you want to honor your father. Perhaps you write a sentiment in your wedding program or dance with your brother for the father-daughter dance. Some brides choose to forgo the dance all together. There are no rules, it is your day!

What is most important is you have found your soul mate. You waited a long time for your fairytale. Make sure you protect it. Don’t let your past have a front seat in your happily ever after.

P.S. Yes! My alarm is set for 5am eastern on Saturday!