When I look at this picture it immediately takes me back to when I was 25 years old full of guilt and ambition. This picture symbolizes what I thought would be my life. I dreamed of becoming a creator. My dreams of writing for T.V. started when I was a young girl while watching Saturday Night Live. Every weekend my best friend and I would be glued to the television set dreaming of one day being in NYC. The energy was palpable and my little creative brain would go into overtime while watching. When the show would go to commercial I would quickly write down my sketch idea. By the end of the show I would have a handful of written skits. Every Sunday we would perform our perfected sketches in front of family and friends. We were a long way from being LIVE at Studio 8H but seeing the impact of what I had written come to life hooked me from the start. I would become a television writer.
As with many teenagers, boys and life slowly infiltrated my dreams. My ability to create and live life freely came to an unexpected halt with the death of my father when I was just 13 years old. The idea of moving to NYC or LA seemed like a far off dream that could never become my reality in the aftermath losing my father.
I won’t bore you with the trajectory of my life, but it goes a little something like this: I chose the traditional route and went on to study nursing. I wrote a singles column and the occasional short story throughout my 20’s. In my 30’s I started a greeting card company and wrote my first book in between saving lives. In my early forties my second book was published, and I created two amazing lives. Life was pretty good. I was emotionally fulfilled and felt pretty accomplished in my creative life, or so I thought.
Enter Shonda Rhimes into my subconscious. During a recent trip to my local book store I was meandering through the aisles when I saw Shonda’s book,”Year Of Yes.” I tired walking past it, but the book seemed to be drawing me back towards it. I could hear Shonda saying, come back here girl! Open this book. I have a message for you.
Shonda had been stalking me a lot lately. I had seen her beautifully accomplished face on my T.V., my email thread and now my subconscious was pushing me to open up her book and get a message. I picked up the book and started scanning it for clues. The message was say yes to everything even if your normal tendency was to say no. I felt like I said yes to basically all things from starting a charity to becoming half way vegan in the last few years. What else was there for me to say yes to? Giving up wine? I thought not. I purchased her book and went on my merry way.
On the way home I couldn’t get her voice (the made up one in my mind) out of my head. Hadn’t I seen something in my email feed about her? When I got home I opened up my computer and checked my email. I wrote “Shonda Rhimes” in my search button and up popped the invitation to join her Masterclass for writing and pitching for T.V. projects. She had my attention now. In a matter of seconds I was a little girl again full of hopes and dreams. I could still do it. YES! I still wanted to create. YES! I still wanted to write for television and maybe even for film now. How had I let that part of my life be go to sleep? Who cared. I was back in and ready to go for it.
47 is my year of YES!. I am taking the Masterclass. I am writing for T.V. I am writing my third book. 47 will be my 25. The guilt of not going for it is slowly fading away with each character I create or show idea I allow to come through me. I am once again as eager as a teenager. I am as confidant as a 25 year old, and as focused as any 47 year old women who is ready to go for her life’s dream.
Thank you Shonda for giving me the nudge I needed to wake up and start creating.